…goes down the drain.

A friend graciously donated some fine hooch from Sierra Leone to the cause of Baby Got Sauce, because, y’know, science demands.  You can tell that it’s quality stuff, because the plastic blister packs are scored for easy tearing.

I’m pretty sure Sonja from Mortal Kombat did not plan on being the spokesmodel for Sierra Leone pineapple spirit liquor.  Well, I guess she did have a really cool move involving punching guys in the nuts.   Fuck, I played the hell out of her.  That was the best way to piss off guys who thought they could beat me and take over the machine with no sweat.  Wait, does that mean I’m old?  Shit.

So what does one do with this crap?  For fuck’s sake, don’t drink it.

Unpalatable Swill

One packet Double Punch pineapple spirit
1 oz Cruzan white rum
1 oz orange juice

Survey your liquor cabinet and look for the cheapest shit you have.  Decide that the bottle of Cruzan white rum that you’ve had for ages and that ran about $18 is, although perfectly respectable, the sluttiest liquor you have that will do the job.  Look at the five pound bag of oranges you got for $5 from Cash and Carry.  Come to the conclusion that one orange is worth sacrificing for science.  Pour all this crap into a shaker.  Think about icing it.  Don’t even bother.  Sample it.  Wait.  Don’t do that.  I did it for you.  Trust me.  Don’t do it.  Pour it all into a really pretty glass and add a Luxardo cherry with some syrup, because that may fool your enemies into consuming it.  Plus, Luxardo cherries are crap.  Mmm mmm mmm.  Doesn’t that look good?  Give it to your husband, with the disclaimer of “Ew, this is foul, taste it.”  Watch him verify your conclusion.  Think about removing your nail polish with it.  Take a picture of it for posterity, toss it down the drain, and make yourself something – anything – else.

For what it’s worth, anything else was:

2 oz Sazerac rye
.25 oz amaretto
.5 oz Amaro Meletti
.5 oz Cocchi di Torino sweet vermouth

So remember, kids – go to Sierra Leone for the… well, I don’t know.  But not for the booze.  And say hi to Sonja for me.