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We’ve been known to have large parties a few times a year.  The sound of dozens of liquor bottles hitting the recycling is our way of letting the neighbors know what they missed.  In other words, we go through a lot of booze when we entertain, and yep, it does get expensive.

We know that buying liquor for our house can be a bit intimidating, so if you’d like to bring a bottle next time you visit, here’s a quick guide to stuff we’ll always appreciate a bunch.  It’s also a pretty good cheat sheet for reliably good booze to bring anywhere.  Most of these should be too difficult to find locally.

Around $20:

In the $20-40 Range:

In the $40-60 Range:

Impractically Expensive Shit:

We’re grateful for anything you want to bring, of course!  If you want to be creative and pick up something not on this list, here are some types of liquor we generally avoid – they just don’t get used, and we don’t mix with them:

  • Vodka
  • Flavored vodka
  • Flavored anything, really
  • Canadian whiskey
  • Irish whiskey

Now back to your regularly scheduled booze news.


So I went to see the Mariners play today.  21st perfect game in Major League Baseball history.  Unfortunately, it was pitched by a guy from the White Sox.  So here’s a commermorative drink.  It’s super-delicious, but bitter.  Just like the game.

The Perfect Game

1 oz Campari
.5 oz Licor 43
.5 oz Dolin Blanc vermouth
.5 oz lemon

3 oz dry sparkling wine

Build it in a champagne flute and pour the sparkling over the other ingredients.  Garnish with a thin lemon wedge.   Think how much better the game would have been if you could have gotten four or five of these in you before the opening pitch.  Try to forget about the fact that he actually blew it, since the last pitch of the game was a ball on a 3-2 count, but the batter checked his swing and it was called a strike.  You know.  These things happen.  Usually to the Mariners.

At least it was a gorgeous day.

…goes down the drain.

A friend graciously donated some fine hooch from Sierra Leone to the cause of Baby Got Sauce, because, y’know, science demands.  You can tell that it’s quality stuff, because the plastic blister packs are scored for easy tearing.

I’m pretty sure Sonja from Mortal Kombat did not plan on being the spokesmodel for Sierra Leone pineapple spirit liquor.  Well, I guess she did have a really cool move involving punching guys in the nuts.   Fuck, I played the hell out of her.  That was the best way to piss off guys who thought they could beat me and take over the machine with no sweat.  Wait, does that mean I’m old?  Shit.

So what does one do with this crap?  For fuck’s sake, don’t drink it.

Unpalatable Swill

One packet Double Punch pineapple spirit
1 oz Cruzan white rum
1 oz orange juice

Survey your liquor cabinet and look for the cheapest shit you have.  Decide that the bottle of Cruzan white rum that you’ve had for ages and that ran about $18 is, although perfectly respectable, the sluttiest liquor you have that will do the job.  Look at the five pound bag of oranges you got for $5 from Cash and Carry.  Come to the conclusion that one orange is worth sacrificing for science.  Pour all this crap into a shaker.  Think about icing it.  Don’t even bother.  Sample it.  Wait.  Don’t do that.  I did it for you.  Trust me.  Don’t do it.  Pour it all into a really pretty glass and add a Luxardo cherry with some syrup, because that may fool your enemies into consuming it.  Plus, Luxardo cherries are crap.  Mmm mmm mmm.  Doesn’t that look good?  Give it to your husband, with the disclaimer of “Ew, this is foul, taste it.”  Watch him verify your conclusion.  Think about removing your nail polish with it.  Take a picture of it for posterity, toss it down the drain, and make yourself something – anything – else.

For what it’s worth, anything else was:

2 oz Sazerac rye
.25 oz amaretto
.5 oz Amaro Meletti
.5 oz Cocchi di Torino sweet vermouth

So remember, kids – go to Sierra Leone for the… well, I don’t know.  But not for the booze.  And say hi to Sonja for me.