Best wrestling valet name EVAR.  Too bad she never teamed up with Edge when he was Sexton Hardcastle.  Maybe they could have gone up against Hugh G. Rection.  So to speak.  Or perhaps he would have been too busy with the West Hollywood Blondes.

Oh, we were talking about booze, weren’t we?


We went to Canlis a few weeks ago for a celebration.  Their cocktails made me feel like the rank amateur that I am.  One of them employed Coco Lopez, an ingredient I hadn’t heard mentioned in probably 20  years.  It’s a sickly sweet coconut cream mixture that I always associated with froofy cocktails enjoyed by middle-aged people in the 1970s.  But if Canlis can use it, fuck it, I’m getting out the disco boots.

Vigorously shake the top rope.  Watch your opponent fall, scissor the rope, and crotch-shot himself.  Snap your latex bra in his face and sip on this.

Kimona Wanaleia

2 oz aged rum (I used Palmera, which we got in Aruba)
.75 oz New Deal ginger liqueur
.5 oz lime
.25 oz Coco Lopez cream of coconut

Open all the bottles with your teeth.  Grab a water bottle, slurp a big mouthful, then lurch backwards and spray it into the air to clean your palate.  Or don’t.  Throw everything in a shaker with ice, hard shake, then strain into a coupe.  Or a DD cup.  Whatever the moment calls for.  Garnish with a shiso leaf, because you have one.

You could probably use Canton ginger liqueur with this, but check out the New Deal if you can.  It’s got a FAR stronger ginger bite to it.

I don’t think I could outdo Kimona Wanaleia for excellence in ring names.  But if I’m ever dumb enough to walk into a wrestling ring or skate into a derby match, just call me Tequila Mockingbird.